In New York....

So I've arrived in New York... Blessed with a place to stay. 

I am currently living in Brooklyn at my Great Aunts apt.: a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom spot... Pretty large spot.  Lots of old furniture and things of that nature. My Uncle from London can not wait for me to help make this place more modern.  Well with every good thing, the devil tries to intervene.  The company is trying to kick my Great Aunt out, stating that she doesn't live her anymore because she's in a nursing home and her daughter just passed away.  They will not win!

Also, I'm still NOT WORKING!!! OMG... I feel like I'm going crazy but somehow, I'm keeping it together.  I know that soon I will be full time and financially independent.

YESSSS!!!  That day will come soon..  Until then... grind!

NYC + Labor Day Weekend

On the bus heading to NY. I officially am not a fan of the bolt bus. SUPPOSE to be able to charge my laptop... plug in front of me just stopped working... so I resort to watching movies on my iPod@ scmh... welcome to NY

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Another Day

I'm praying that I don't slip into a depression... I've never been this long with out work, or doing something.  I'm so ready to work.  I'm sleeping all the time. Jesus help

Internal battles

I would say that I rely on God heavily... however lately my struggle with my flesh has been the worst EVER. I mean it's always been there but I didn't have to work as hard as I have been lately to stay away.

It's been 7 years since I've had sex. After I got saved 2003, I promised God and myself that I would wait until He sent me my husband.

It hasn't been easy nor did I expect it to be. There were times I came close to falling back but I made out some how. But lately I find myself running towards it at full speed and then stop and stare at it like man... I want that. I end up turning the other way but usually I run... now I just casually stroll away secretly hoping to get pulled back.

It's painfull because I can't just see me throwing away all this time I've spent saving myself for that one person.

And then I don't care anymore. :( It just brings me to tears. I know I'll make it through. Confessions of a Christian woman: I want to have sex. But I don't want to lose myself.

....

Finding Balance

So It's been a month since I moved back.  The Sunday after I moved back I barely had a chance to unpack and feel somewhat at home.  I had to travel to Wichita, Kansas for a teaching job on July 18th.  That was fun!  I love going there but I don't think I could live there.  It's a bit bare.  This was my third time teaching there.

I returned on the 23rd of July.  The next day I attended a beautiful union between my dean and soror Diyale and her now husband Justin.  Although I got to the ceremony late because we had a tropical storm that brought down trees and what not, what I saw was magical and awesome.

After leaving the wedding, the search was on for an iHop.  My homie Cherece and I drove to 5 different iHops until we found one with power.  IT WAS PACKED.. No were had power and people were hungry.  BUT we finally got to eat.

By July 28 I was on the bus heading to NY for an audition on the 29th.  I stayed at my grandparents house.  Didn't get to audition which sucked so I hung around until Sat. When I got home I had to pack and leave on Tue for ATL.

The drive to ATL was grand and Alpha Nu Omega, Inc. 2010 National Convention was GREAT!!!  Although I was tired most of the time the overall trip was great and I learned a lot. So I get home from ATL on Monday... I was BEAT DOG TIRED!!!!  I'm thinking YES finally I get to just be home unpack continue job searches... Well that would not be the case

My cousin called and said, "Are you still going with me to NJ??"
"Of course", I said having promised to go with her a month ago.  What I didn't realize is that it was that week.  I just got home.. but back out I went... and here I still am.

This week has been great but I miss home... back to DMV today and then I'll be moving to NYC in about two weeks... I just stay moving!!!!

Done!

So I am done with school... I have my M.F.A. and I'm back home! That's right.. I'm back in the DMV.  Not for long but the next move is to NYC... so I can do my dancy dance dance dance thing!!!  Longer update to come... I gottaaa sleep!

my 21 day fast - Close to the end Day 13 - 20

So tomorrow is the last day!  I have endured 21 days of fasting.  In March, I would like to start a more intense fast for me.  This one was good.  It made me realize what I need more of.  It also made me realize that I need to be done with SHSU as soooon as possible.  I feel like it is holding my whole LIFE back.  Very annoying indeed.

Monsters of Hip Hop was great.  However, I can't stand when I watch myself dance and I look like I'm spazing out.  Litteraly my muscles look like they are having a battle with my brain.  I have yet to understand how to control my limbs when I can't remember what happens next in a dance. I'm just not that quick.  Never have been, but I soon will be.  With ALL things, u need practice and ALL I need is MORE DANCE.  I feel like once I move, I'll be able to get more practice and be THAT much better.

My Choreography has gotten way better as I've continued to challenge myself but I don't have a mentor or anything.  I'd love to find one. 

Anywho, Jesus has guided me thus far so I should have not worries, and I try not to, but this life race is not hard. 

iAm a Monster...  next up is Monsters of Hip Hop and Contemporary Cancun!!!!

my 21 day fast -DAY 9 - 12: HOW TIME FLYS!!!

So I completely forgot to blog this week.  From working on my paper, to talking to God CONSTANTLY about this fast... and moving, moving, moving.... Just forgot!!!

I don't really have a lot to say right now because I'm packing but I can say this... TEMPTATION IS STRONG!!!  LORD it's strong!!!!

Anywho... I'm gonna go!  GOD BLESS!!!

my 21 day fast -DAY 6 & 7 & 8: MY TIME in GA

Well I've missed some days...

From Thur into Friday... NO SLEEP!  I did my hair because it looked A MESS...
Packed, did my hair, started watching some movies @ 6am to help me stay awake.

Made a mistake by laying down and taking a nap right before I needed to leave.  Got to the airport 5 mins to late and everything was off... BUT I did make it to GA and meet a really cool dude from Senegal on the way... New friends are GREAT!!!

I find myself praying to GOD a lot!!!  Talking to him more and more on just little things.... it's so hard to follow this fast but I've found myself doing very well.. :) I thought I was gonna slip because of coming here to GA and being with my family this whole weekend but I didn't...

Sat.: Woke up early for breakfast... barely anything for me to partake of, but this hotel... IS TRASH!!!  Omg.. worst hotel ever... GHETTO as a mug.  After the so called breakfast, I went on a mission to find a quiznos.  I wanted some soup... broccoli and cheese to be exact.  SOOO I drove to the one close to the house... not open yet even though the sign said 10am.. it was 10:15.  Then I tried to find a panera bread, fail.  Stop back at the quiznos and now the guy was there but he said not until 12:30 would they be open... it was now almost 11am.  So I was UPSET.  So I went to the mall with my mom, aunt and grandparents for my aunt to get a few items.  I dropped them off and tried another quiznos: FAIL!!!  So i drove back to the other one and finally finally finally got my soup.  AMEN AMEN!!!

Later on that evening we visited family... I reached out to a friend of mine from forever and He came and scooped me... BEST VDAY EVER!!!  So much fun.. clean good wholesome fun...
Didn't realized how much fun we use to have... got home at 6am...

Sun:  PARTY TIME!!!  Got up and went to the mall AGAIN (auntie still need shoes)!!!  I looked fly for the party and I was so greatful to see so MUCH family.... God definitely as graced me with such AWESOME people in my life that are related to me.  I am so happy I came... even when I find out my flight is delayed... UGHIEOHGOIEN... but God is faithful and I will get to work on time.

So here we are... MONDAY!!!  Day 9 and I'm still going strong.... My goal to get STRONGER. AND BY the end I WILL have GREAT GREAT NEWS!!!  God Bless God night and remember...
iLove you!

my 21 day fast -DAY 5: RAINY

This is gonna be short....

I love God and I thank him for the challenges of this fast and why I'm on it.

I told a lie today, and it made me feel like I was gonna die.  It was one of those small lies you think wont do anything but it can cause a ripple effect that you just can't see.  Usually, I would say it, repent, apologize to God and keep moving but today it BUGGED me and BUGGED me. I feel like God is showing me, HEY LOOK.. yea u might feel like that is small and wont bother anyone but SIN is SIN!  No matter the size...  sigh... God is working on me FOR REAL and I am SO THANKFUL!!!

I'm not ashamed of where I am, and I can't wait for where God has to take me.

Hopefully I can get my blog in today and be updated...

I also am going to start a new video blog on YouTube: Dance By Request: DBR!!  I will be letting people request any song they want... I will dance to it and post it on Youtube...

I will occasionally speak but it will mostly be dance.  More on that later...
Okay off to the airport!

iFly!

My 21 day fast -DAY 4: Just Here!!!!

(This technically is day 5 but I will blog again tonight and be caught up)

Well I am just here, praying having strange dreams and moving forward.
Let's talk about this strange dream... give me your interpretation.. I'd love to hear it:

The dream starts out with me running from "the man".  He's "the man" out to get me because I saw something that "they" did not want me to see.  It's night time and I have my dogs with me.  We are running from house to buildings to back allies, until finally we reach a home where they take women who are unemployed and/or in-between jobs. Somehow "the man" does no see me enter this house and disappears.  So I join up with some great women and learn more about what is going on in there lives.  The bonding is GREAT and before we go to bed, the director of the program as me for my info.  Apparently, every month she goes to some kind of bank that gives her money to support us each month.  Now these sums of money are not just hundreds of dollars. Depending on you situation, it could much more.  Like "Jesus can do the impossible" much more.  So she leaves in the AM as everyone is getting up and preparing themselves for the day.  I am paranoid because I don't want "the man" to find me.  The director returns with a bunch of checks for the ladies and begins to hand them out.  One of the ladies is a Lawyer, hasn't been out or work for to long so her check was on $400+ dollars.  Another women, who has been looking for work and has been unsuccessful, received $22,000 dollars!!!!  IN CASH... the director gave her a $22,000 bill!!!  I was like WOW!!! Now being that I only spent the night there and just enrolled I didn't received the amount I would have if I had stayed longer.  I got $4,800 for the month!!!  I was praising God because "the man" was looking for me, I had no home, two dogs, bills and to get that every money would be amazing.  So one of the ladies was like wow you are so lucky... I almost when crazy on her... 
             "LUCK", I said, "LUCK... No sweetie this is a BLESSING"
 As I said then 2 other women said with me at the same time.  I then when on to talk about how God brought me there and I'm so blessed to be alive with that guy following me, no home, not sure where my next meal is coming from.  I was just in awe with God at that moment.  But not to long after that "the man" decided to check every house in that area. So I was on the run again.  I think the dogs stayed there.(?) So I found another place to go, and it was some kind of new apartment where that they were testing.  ANd people were lined up to get in.  So "the man" put on a disguise so I would recognize him but I saw him and ran into a some sort of restricted area.  I pushed a button thinking the elevator would come but instead it open up an air shaft and sucked me up in to the vent.  when I came out, I landed on a desk with this black guy who looked like 50-cent.  He was so confused how I got there.  Right when I was getting ready talk to him, 


Lamar woke me up.
Weird dream right!
Let me know your thoughts.


Any who, I have been videoing myself dancing and it's awesome.. I really love my growth.  Other then that, creating dances for my kids and finishing what needs to be with SHSU!!!
As a part of this fast, I can't watch any TV, movies or Netflix after 10pm.  HARD!!! I usually fall asleep to the tv.  Food is getting better.  Tonight I had Veggie egg rolls, and Broccoli in a garlic sauce... it was soo good!!!

Well I'm out... thanks for reading and for your support...

iLove u!  God Bless... Until next time....

iDream HUGE!!!

My 21 day fast -DAY 3: GOOD DAY!!!!

It was a good day!  I got up early, went to school... Drove around in the stupid parking lot for and HOUR looking for parking.  Since it took took that long, I thought I missed my appointment.  TURNED OUT, The didn't even have me on the schedule :( BOO!!!

So I find a spot and go to the The writing center.  I just SAT and did random things on my computer.  Once I left, I went to the dance building and took class... 3 hours of dance to be exact.  LOVE IT!

On the drive home, stopped at the toyota dealership and the vet.  Gotta make sure the kiddies are taken care of. Then STRAIGHT to the gym...

Now because of this fast, I thought that I would not have been able to make through the class, but man... them PEANUTS, and that protein drink saved ME!  I had more energy then when I would eat some "real food".  After I left there, Smoothie King (LOVE IT) and HOME!  Ate some potatoes and green beans... and it was a WARP!!!

The best of yesterday was all the dancing I did... I loved it... I mean.. I really love to dance!  I don't know where it is going to eventually take me but I LOVE DOING WHAT I DO!!!

Until next time....

iDo what iLove!

My 21 day fast -DAY 2: HUNGRY JESUS!!!

SOOO I missed bloggin Yesterday!  It was a tough day... I was tried and HUNGRY!!!

Just hungry (for food) all the time.  I wanna be hungry for Jesus and nothing else... I must die to my flesh because it's only gonna slow me down.

Woke up at 6:30am, took my dad to the airport by 8am, had a really nasty apple, went to his house, did some work, went to my residence, had a baked potato w/ green peas and a little bit of gravy with some V8.  Wanted so BADLY to take a nap because I know that I would be sleepy driving but my brother called and needed my help.  Drove to downtown Houston to pick him up from the greyhound, dropped him off at Uof H.  SLeep driving is NOT the way to go! Went straight to work from there, taught 3 hours straight and choreographed for 30mins.  Drove to home, stopped at smoothie king to get dinner, went home, feel asleep in the chair watching tv, took a shower, feel asleep setting my alarm clock, WENT TO BED!!!

Long day!!!  Praise God I made it with out passing out... I snacked on Peanuts (thanks Rece)!!  Saved me!

Well I'm pressing forward...

iLove the Lord!

My 21 day fast -DAY 1: Already!

Today was the first day of my fast... and because I know that I need this fast... the devil was all in my face.

For the past 3 weeks before this fast... I had NO desire for fried Chicken what so ever.... but today... as I sat, an image of fried chicken, corn bread and mashed potatoes with gravy pops into my brain... THE DEVIL is a LIE.  I will make it!  :)

Anywho... I know that I will finish this fast victoriously...  I will bloggin EVERYDAY about my process...

I'm very excited!  Be Blessed

It's Black History MONTH!

Sooooo it's FEBRUARY!!!!   Black History Month.  I can remember times like this, sitting in elementary or middle or high school... My history teach will begin talking about Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, so on and so forth.  But they never really dug deep into the history of African-Americans, what they have done and even what they are doing today.

My parents are not from this country so growing up, African-American history was very new to me.  I knew many of my friends had many stories from their grandparents and parents during those times.  But my grandparents, aunts, uncles and even my parents... nada.  They read about it but stories they told me were are about climbing coconut tress, hanging out down by the lake, going to house parties, masquerading during mass dancing down the street and riding their bike in to town having a grand old time.  So all of my black history is from the books and information I've gathered.  My parents didn't suffer oppression form the white man, but my father love's to act like it since he got here.  I'm not even gonna touch that one!!!  But I pray that this black history, more extraordinary African-American's are honored for there contributions to man kind.  I wonder if black people will ever just BE like white people, we wont need a special month just so we can be honored.

Well I'm blogging because my eyes are burning form this paper.  AH HA!!  I need my glasses... BAM!!!  Much better. Yea... so ummm... right.  I gotta get back to this paper... I'm on a roll.

God is awesome. I've been so blessed everyday... and I just praise Him for his awesomeness.  I've never felt him so close to me before. I've never felt so free in my relationships, in my prayer life, in every situation and circumstance.  Although things can go completely wrong, LIKKKEEE I don't get paid on time and my phone bill is deducting money out of my account regardless if I want them to or not.  I can't change the date or cancel the payment... SOOOOO yea but you know what.. GOD always works it out..

I remember my first night of my process for ANQ, my journal had a passage from Proverbs 3: 5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all you heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all  you do, and he will show you which path to take." (NLT)  This is a TRUE TRUE statement that I have to live my life by EVERYDAY!  I pray to God, and then lean back on me.  I ask him for help and then I don't wait, so I've been learning more and more EACH day to GIVE him THE STOOL (watch this) and not make my own decisions.

With that said... I am going to get back my paper... and in the back round I've got Mission Impossible 3... just reminds me that NO mission is IMPOSSIBLE with GOD!!!  Awesome stuff right... isn't he great!!!    BIG SMILY FACE BOYYYY!!!  haha

iHeart the LORD

ps.  this is a nice piece a jewelry... if you feel in your heart(pocket) that you would like to gift me with in any form(rig or pendent )... what a blessing you would be!!!  LOL (but I'm seriously for real... )

pss. As I was searching... look at this BEAUTIFUL piece of jewelry I found... this would be a great Dean or Connection gift... HINT HINT HINT doves....

BEAUTIFUL ISN'T IT!!!

Ok... iAm OUT!!!!

Struggles

I am struggling...

I work a great job... I get paid great.. however, my hours are not enough and I wish I could pick up more. So then dilemma becomes making sure I can take care of myself.  Not really happening...

I live with my Auntie (praise God for her hospitality)
I'm always wondering how am I gonna put gas in my car to get to work.
Will I have enough money for food? (eating healthier is so expensive)
I have to pay for school outta pocket.... sigh... I'm still in school... WHY?!?!?!
I have student loans already wanting me to pay them back and straight up debit I put myself in...

So I cry out to the Lord about my struggles and every time I do, I hear him say, why are you worried.
I'm never hunger, I always get gas, I some how pay the bills I need too....

Being in this position is hard but not impossible to get through.  I've made it this far.
I can go further... I might be struggling but I'm still walking in faith because I know God has a reason for EVERYTHING!!!!


iHave Faith

2010...

So 10 yrs ago I graduated from High School... WOW!!!!  Now here I am... 10 yrs later... Much wiser about life. If you asked me 10 yrs ago where I would be, I would have said: Married, with kids living in MD, Teaching dance, and working my 9-5 computer job.  I didn't know myself then and I'm still learning myself now.

I'm an not married nor anywhere near it which means.. no children.
I am teaching dance but I have Degrees in Dance...  not computers
9-5's are so not cool...
and I'm in TEXAS!

I guess it will be interesting to see the all my friends from High School.  I didn't have enemies thank God, just people I didn't really talk to.

So this yr. I am writing out my goals on a check list.  Gotta get it done.  2009 honestly feels like a blur.... What sticks out the most about that year are a few things : Thesis, Moving out of Huntsville, Labor day weekend,  and becoming a Mary Kay consultant... how dull... :P

Well this yr will def be bigger especially with my move to NY!!!!  OHHH I can't wait.
I pray that this year belongs to God... completely. I need to give God the stool and stop trying to have a seat!  That is my number one goal this year. Once that's in lock.. everything else should fall into place...

iGiveitup to God...