Thursday, December 31, 2009
Watch out now.....
I am sick.
Today is the last day of the year.
I am joining 24 hour fitness.
I love movies.. long walks on the beach.. sunsets and sunrises.. JESUS.. dogs.
I am single.
I am still in pursuit for great things.
I love my mother.
I have a father.
You are, who you are.
You made it to another year. PRAISE GOD.
You share.
You care.
I have no children.
I don't think I'm in love.
?????
I am still sick.
There are 3 people and a dog in my bed.
Watch out now....
:) iWish you a Happy New Year.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Approaching the end
it comes around the same time.. same date... same expectations...
New year, new you...
all the weight lost people make TONS of money... Please spend money they don't have on Christmas gifts that they then have to spend the whole year to pay back to do it all over again later on in the new year. What an awesome time...
but people forget what Christmas is all about.... it's called CHRISTmas... DON'T forget CHRIST!!!
I miss God... have you ever just missed God... to then realize he was around the whole time and u were not acknowledging his presence. I say I would do anything God asked me... but I don't all the time. I pray with this new year approaching I can truly give myself as a living sacrifice unto God. It's really been the Omie show featuring God... and it need to be the God show with special guest Omie. Like I only make an appearance so u know who I am. :) I would find true peace and contentment.
Another thing approaching the end is another of my dad's relationships with his g/f. Another hurt women... I just can't stand around and watch this madness anymore... I spoke with the current love interest that he's leaving his g/f for. I told her in a lot of words, RUN! The g/f had to move out and go back to FL. At least she not leaving empty handed, as she caused my dad to put himself in expense for her move. Not her fault. He lied, promising her marriage. That's the only reason she moved from FL to TX. She still loves him but hates him. I told her she's better them me because I would have stopped being nice to him. I guess when u love someone, even when it's over.... a part of you just can't be mean to them or treating them poorly... that is not my problem... I would dare a dude to cross me wrong... I have tough skin because of my father.
I have crawled back in to my cave because of this madness. I don't wanna be hurt... and as much as I've experienced love... I'm done at the moment... No man is gonna do that to me... I know not all men are like that but tell my heart that. The one man who is suppose to be an example and I be his girl, can't seem to understand that.. So GUARD YOUR HEART.
His g/f said that he should get himself together for me... I was like for me!?!?!? He doesn't have to do ANYTHING for me, because in the end... if it doesn't benefit him, then he wont do it... so please no favors especially from him. It won't be genuine.
so upon approaching the end, whether good or bad, there is always a new beginning... that can also be good or bad.... so put jesus up in it... he'll work it out!
ps. pray for me getting this job. GOD BLESS
iEnd.. HE beginnings
Monday, November 16, 2009
STRAIGHT ANGER
At you, at me, at God, at them, at her. Don't even know her but she's pissing me off.
How about you move, so I can move, and God can do him.
How about you shut the hell up, acting like you so damn cool, with your ducks all lined up.
PLEASE... we all know you ain't got crap together and every night you wonder how u gonna make it the next day. Pretending will bring you no peace.
How about you stop pretending that you care, about anything, even me. I don't care about you... wait let me stop pretending cause then I'll be acting just like you. And what happiness did that bring to your life...
How about you stop trying to be so perfect. Stop STOP STOP!!! All of you... pretenders... pretending, to act like everything is okay... cause it's NOT!
How nice is it that you can just block me... tell me we close... and leave me... F^%# U!!!! I don't need you... I don't love you anymore... who the hell cares about you...
me. i do. that's why I'm straight angry. that's why I can't be with a man. that's why I'm so messed up. that's why I don't understand. that's why I hate you because you broke me.
How about, I'm mad at me... because I began to feel like no one loves me... my broken pieces are everywhere for them to see. no one wants pieces.
I yell at me, to stop and listen, to be still and wait on the only one who can glue me back together. I feel like I'm fading... my strength, gone.
Goals and dreams, vanishing.
you there, what will you say. man... if u need an ear, i'm here for you. what will you say to me afterward... what has already been said, what I would say. "Have faith, trust in God, know he is able. You have to be patient." Don't you get tired of saying it to be nice. I do... tell me the truth or tell me nothing.
How about this... I'm just angry and instead of letting it eat me up, I'm writing it down. By tomorrow, I will have moved on, as God carries me through this rough time. I still might feel like a failure but I'll succeed one day... until then.
iPray
Monday, November 9, 2009
Childhood Memories
Well now I'm older, and I still feel some what the same. Now I wonder if it's something that I am continuing as a pattern or if that just what it is. I have friends... but I still feel left behind at times. With my relationships, I never gave the chance to be left. If I know its not gonna work, I cut it off first. I don't know if my feelings of being left out have anything to do with my personality (do people now wanna talk to me) or distance. I'm just too far to make any connections. I'm moving closer to where most of my friends live. I guess well see about that.
Growing up... hummm I don't remember much from my younger days. Not much about tv shows, or family gathers, cool conversations with my mom, times my dad was around: all of that a BLUR. I do remember wrestling.
Happy times sitting on my dad's back watching it. I do remember my house in Hyattsville.. playing with an egg as my baby as oppose to the doll babies I had. As my mother yells at me for wasting her tissues. I made the babies bed out of the the oh so soft tissues in the shoe box. I loved to care for the egg, talk to it, sing to it, and make sure it was happy. But with an egg you can put it back in the fridge and go on about your business.
Today, I love children. I am always hanging out with my nieces or nephews when I get the chance. Give respect and get it back. Every weekend, my niece comes to visit and play with the puppies. We read (a battle at first but now she'll bring her book), watch movies, go to the dog park, play, and go to church. For the weekend I play mom, but sunday she goes home. Just like the egg. I definitely want my own egg that I don't have to put back in the fridge or send home. I laugh when she come over because I forget that right around 8 am or 9 am she is going to be hungry. I can go hours with out food but since I'm not trained yet in the art of a child's schedule it's so strange, but we make it work, as she tells me, I don't like the way you cook your eggs. Another problem my kids wont have because they will know nothing else. :)
Growing up, I wanted people to keep me around. You know that whole thing with my Dad leaving... developed abandonment issues. I did whatever I need to do to fit in. I didn't have real friends until I hit college. That's when I found out if the people I called friend in high school and before, really cared about me, or what I could do and/or get. Those individuals allowed me to be the goofy, geeky, not so cool girl that I was. Like I said before, I was a late bloom and it showed and I didn't care around them. Everyone else, it was all a show in an effort not to be left behind.
Nowadays, I know it still exist. I get the urge to do something to please everyone so they'll like me, and wanna talk to me. Include me in there life, while I don't so much include them in mine. Sometimes I would bring people in to my world with even caring because they never really saw me, they saw my show. The act. I pull the act with people, wait correction, men that I meet for the first time. Definitely guarded. It has come somewhat down a few times, but recently it was gone... but that was short lived because being the real me all the time, I realize, is not for everyone. Does that mean I'm fake around you, NO NO NO! I don't know that. I didn't do that before. The difference now, I wont do anything to please you. If I feel like being nice, then that's just it. But I'm not giving hand outs. To painful in the end.
Growing up, I was spoiled. Still am but not the way I use to be. I got any thing I wanted, from my dad. My mother... was a different story.
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
so amazing
I finally found a church that I could attend and feel good about it. Since I've been in Texas, I've been going from church to church and it feels great to be attending the same church enough that the pastor recognizes you been there more then once. Above and Beyond Fellowship is a great church. Pastor Will Lindsay! Yes his name is Will Lindsay.. quite interesting when I told ANQ Will Lindsay! Anywho, this past month he's been doing a series on the seven deadly sins. It continues to bless my life. This past sunday his sermon really hit home. He talked about sloth and basically said: no purpose no point. That is a motto has been a part of my lifestyle for a while. Helps to keep me from doing foolishness.
But what happens when you fall in love. Yes that's right. I feel in love. It was a great time and a blessing from God to understand such a thing. Everything that the God talks about in the bible about love is so true. I also began to understand how much work it is but I don't have to worry about that because I'm single. :) I'm happy when I finally get to connect with the person God has for me, I will be able to understand the true essence of love and know that true love comes only from GOD!
God has opened so many doors in my life and answered so many question. I've always wanted to know what it meant to be in love. I would pray and ask God what is the deal with being in love. He allowed it in his own special way and I am more then grateful.
Okay enough of that.
I'm thinking about starting a web show.... lol! Looks like fun. We'll see...
so much more I would like to write... I'll figure out how to put it in words. ACTion > Words! And since I'm such a visual person, doing is easier. later reader
iPost
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Dropping a line
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
So I'm here pt. 4 - Refreshing pt.1
On my way home from my meeting, I was on the phone talking a my girl Rece as she make me realize that I need to stop looking for another job. I teach dance and sell Mary Kay. If I work my business full time, I know for a fact that I can be successful. So I'm very happy that God is placing me where He wants me. I never imagined doing this full time, but I love what I do.
(if you have any questions, visit www.maykay.com/oedmondson.)
I am setting up counseling this week for my dad and I. He's working in dallas this week and makes this very hard to do. I went to visit his sister (my auntie) over the weekend to see how she's been doing since the breast cancer surgery. I walk in the door, and get the look. I haven't seen my family since the incident and I don't know what they've heard and they wont ask either. So I don't volunteer information, but when my cousin asked "So how are you doing?", I know what she is implying. She wants me to go into details about what happened but it's not gonna help my situation nor help her life. My family members are all about image. So if they have to lie to keep that image looking good, they will. I am not like that at ALL and I praise God for it!!!
This entire situation has allowed me to see where I am and it is not a bad place. It's a place of transition, growth and molding.
I'm transitioning in my career, my lifestyle, and my dependencies. Making sure they all lead back to God and that I only depend on him.
Growth in my emotional self. Since understanding why I could not access my emotions, they have opened up so much more. The love I have and have shown, is growing. The pain I feel so much more, but I know how to move on.
He's molding me and getting me ready for something HUGE! I just need to be in the right place. If you are reading this, know that he is doing the same with you, everyday. Make sure you are paying attention and adhering to his voice. He has such great plans for us and only wants us to be happy! He would never create a will for our lives that does not fit who he has created us to be.
Thank you so much for reading along with this series. The new series to follow will be Refreshing. It will follow my journey through counseling with my dad.
anddd the random blogs will begin again. It has been extremely important for me to get these things out. Thank you again for the support and I pray what you've read touches you life in a positive and helpful way!
God Bless
part 4 iEnd.... part 1 refreshing iBegin
Monday, September 28, 2009
So I'm here pt. 3
Later on that week (thur) I had a dream that would reveal to me the extent of my situation.
part 3 iEnd
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
So I'm here pt. 2
So I'm here pt. 1
Monday, September 7, 2009
3 yr expiration date
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
in the mean time...
of air waiting on my dad.
I just finished reading my soror's blog about her day to day dealing
with the death of her husband. Only after 2 months of marriage, God
called him home. It's amazing the impact that 1 person can have on the
human life. I never knew him but his spirit was always shining through
my soror and I cried when he passed. It hurt because they just began a
beautiful ministry together. But that ministry is still in progress as
she shares their relationship to the world. The love they had for each
other resembled the love of Christ. Selfless. Beautiful. I wished I
would had a chance to meet him.
I've been and still am in love. I pray my love for my husband
transcends through time just as My soror has. It's so beautiful.
Well pumping gas. About to be home w/my dad. We just had a debate
about me and cooking. Okay! It's not that I don't want to cook, but I
don't just like to cook rice & chicken, rice & fish, rice & whatever,
everyday!!!!! so not me. If I'm gonna cook, I want it to be fun and
enjoy what I'm making. When I get married, I know I'll get better. I'll
want to do it. But I don't do left overs past 2 days. Big no no! And
nothing is wrong with eating out. Just be healthy about your food
choices.
About to get my grub on at Little Jamaica. Yum yum! Until next time.
iEat iLive
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Red light.... green light
from the airport. As I sit out here with my doggies... Ivory and Lamar,
I get to think. Something that can be so painful to do at times. I try
not to think of my future as far as marriage and kids: it can be a bit
of a downer. I just left my aunts house and her husband said, "you
better hurry up, u got 3 yrs left." Really?!?!?!? Only three yrs?
Then all my vital organs just gonna shut down?
I want kids. I do. Gotta wait. Sigh. Red light.
Lamar is 2yr now. He got his name from a good friend of mine. I was
like, I like your middle name. Can I use it. Him: sure! hence Lamar.
Ivory looked like the color so bam! That was easy. When I first got her
they called her lila or lily or some girl pinkish name. Made me vomit.
Red light.
{I don't know me really. I perpetrate in my own body. Live and u learn
right.}
I know Jesus though... don't know him? Ask me how, I'll tell u. Green
Light!
I'm 19 trapped in 27... late bloomer. Not mad about it... I still look
it!
Okay... I'm out. Until tomorrow
iDone
Make changes
my mothers genes. I always find something to do or something I forgot
to do at the last min. Sigh. Gotta "cut my eyes" as my mother would
say.
But driving long distances gives time for thought and observations such
as the lady with the fan hanging from the visor on the passenger
side.*blank stare*
Anyway.. The drive was good. I got to work 20min early. PROUD! Okay
laterz
iDance iTeach
Ehhh
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